Cairo, Aswan, and Luxor, Egypt, Country 14, Stops 34, 35, 36

Oct. 7

Today we head to Egypt! We reluctantly leave Antalya. There is one more work out for Dmitri, one more swim for me, the final pack up and one last lunch at the lovely buffet before heading to the airport. We fly Antalya to Istanbul then Istanbul to Cairo. Both flights are pretty uneventful. We delight at the announcements on Turkish Air that begin and end with “Ladies and gentlemen, and dear children.” We arrive in Cairo to chaos and noise and horns honking the entire way from the airport. Did I say how much we miss Antalya? We are extremely tired and pretty much fall into bed as soon as we are able to.

***Dmitri: We’ve been to Egypt before, just before 9/11 as part of our honeymoon. While that was a great trip, Egypt was a fairly lame segment of it, largely owing to what we figured was anti-American sentiment at the time. We decided to come back because we didn’t know if we had given the place a fair shake, and because we didn’t want to deprive the children of the chance to see a ton of cultural influences and history. I mean, it’s Egypt.

That said, I have been in many parts of the world where people aren’t as helpful as they seem, where hawkers are aggressive, and where the chaos of the streets moves a little too far on that spectrum between colorful and dangerous. So, it’s maybe not a surprise when the hawkers start on us before we even get to Immigration. I mean, it’s a little shocking that they’re in there “Taxi! You need a tour?” before our passports get stamped. You’d think that on the hallowed “airside” portion of an airport these things would be more controlled, especially in the era of Covid and terrorism, but apparently not.

But I’m thinking, hey, I’m over-reacting and I need to really have an open mind about this place.***

Oct. 8

We do NOT miss the call to prayer, but we do hear horns honking pretty continuously. I wonder if Egyptians start to tune out that sound? We eat a lovely breakfast at the Pharoahs hotel. The people are very friendly here in Cairo so far. We have come to Cairo a day early and we wait for our group tour meeting today at 6 pm. Dmitri does some work in the hotel coffee shop, Jack naps, and Mia works on the blog. Dmitri and I walk and find a market and stock up on bottled water, travel Kleenex, and some yummy treats. Things are cheap. For lunch we go to a place called Al Agha that’s a couple blocks from the hotel. Dmitri was intrigued earlier by the size of the rotisserie in the window. We walk in and there are only local people and all of the menus are in Arabic. No menus in English. Well, we think, this is most likely going to be delicious. We point to various things--luckily the menu does have pictures. Everything we eat is wonderful and we go back to the hotel happy.

At 6 pm we meet our G Adventures guide, Said, and the people in our tour group. It’s a group of Americans, mostly from California and some from Maryland/DC and Louisiana and Florida. In addition to the four of us and Said, we have Tony, Aingeal, Pam, Mabel, David, Kiki and Gabriel. Aingeal and Pam are also continuing on to Jordan. Said runs us through what to expect for the next week in Egypt and we get to know each other a little better. The people in the group seem adventurous and nice. You never know what to expect when thrown together with people that you will be spending most of your time with for an entire week. We eat dinner in the hotel which is delicious and cheap. A good combination.

***Dmitri: I’ve taken a chill pill and decided not to be so suspicious of the locals. I mean we’re traveling precisely to meet locals and experience other cultures so I have to be positive. So we’re about two blocks from our hotel when we’re crossing the street and this kindly elder gentleman walks past us and says “Oh, I saw you at the Pharaohs Hotel last night checking in! I work there.” So hey, here’s a nice guy already looking out for us. He starts telling us about the neighborhood, good places to walk around, etc., and suggests that we might like walking around the market in the next area of town over. We’re like, OK, so he walks a block with us and says, Oh, come into this shop first.

Like idiot lemmings on trust autopilot, we walk into a shop selling papyrus. We sit, the shopkeeper offers us water and starts into his sales pitch. Meanwhile, the kindly old man has disappeared. No, he didn’t work at our hotel, but he was a good guesser based on our location and appearance. He was no doubt working for a commission from a shop. We later learn that this is a common scam to watch out for. Thanks. Trust no one.

So this hits my Prisoner’s Dilemma Fair Society buttons especially hard. When you pretend to care but actually don’t, you make things so much worse for all of the good people who operate honestly and who really do want to establish connections and be reciprocal. One bad actor outweighs ten good ones and ruins a system, and that’s what the people in the airport and this old guy have done. I’m now on “trust no one” mode.

I’d love to tell you that this abated during Egypt, but I’m sorry to say that this was probably the high-water mark of civility. From this point on the scams got bolder, balder and more offensive. They were joined by rampant squalor, systemic sexism, and oppressive religion, sprinkled with the spice of crony officials and police, the threat of terrorism, and oppressive out-of-season outlier heat.

At this point, I’d like to just go ahead and give my review of Egypt as a whole. First, there were three good things: Our G Adventures guide, Said, kicked ass. He made an insane place manageable and overflowed with information and love of his culture and history. Second, our G Adventures group. As is usually the case with G, we were brought together with extremely chill, friendly and open-minded travelers. And third, most of the food was pretty great.

Now, for the rest of Egypt, I’d like to invoke a quote from Pulitzer Prize Winning critic Roger Ebert’s review of the movie North. How he felt about that movie was how I feel about Egypt:

“I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.”

Egypt was, for me, the country equivalent of “North.” You're like hey, Dmitri, tell me how you really feel. Now I will say one thing that Egypt has done, which is to serve as the absolute baseline for travel. Ever since we left, everything is easily compared, and everything is better. That town was kind of run down? Not as bad as Aswan. That hawker was a little aggressive? Not as bad as the souk of Luxor. That street noise is loud? It’s not the blaring call to prayer next to our room. Etc.

They say that the source of true happiness is gratitude. Well, I’m grateful that anywhere I go now is not Egypt. The rest of the world feels absolutely amazing. So, the place has done me a real service. And no, I’m not kidding or exaggerating. Fuck that place--and I really have been vastly happier everywhere since.***

Oct. 9

We start our day at the Egyptian Museum. Said gets us there before it opens and as we sit outside he gives us a rundown on what we are going to see. Dmitri and I came here 20 years ago and I remember it being a pretty well-stocked museum. Said tells us about the Grand Egyptian Museum that has been under construction and looks INSANELY COOL. If we ever come back to Egypt--which we will NOT--I would love to visit the GEM. The Egyptian Museum has already started to carefully move some items over to it. Apparently they have SO MANY artifacts that they needed to build a new place to display them. Meanwhile, at the Egyptian Museum, we spend a few hours and make sure to see the Tut exhibit--always a crowd pleaser--and the mummies of Yuya and Thuya.

Said knows SO MUCH about Egypt.

Replica of the Rosetta Stone. The real Rosetta Stone in in the British Museum and has been there since 1802.

The big takeaway today is WTF British Museum. You have most of the good stuff from Egypt and won’t give it back!!! Said tells us that over the years other countries have come in and studied and basically looted Egypt of some of its most important treasures. Basically anything that could be crated out was taken and is now on exhibition in London, Paris, etc. However, we are happy to see that some of this is starting to change.

But enough on that rant. We look at the current collection in the Egyptian Museum and are impressed.

Lots of gold!

This is the security in the museum?????? I am hoping that the new museum will have more than these tiny locks.

Artifacts have been moved to the Grand Egyptian Museum

No photos allowed but you can see the famous golden mask of Tut's mummy.

After the museum we head to the pyramids. It is unbelievably and wretchedly HOT. We thought that by coming in October we would avoid some of the heat but that is not happening. We were wrong! We are in the middle of a heat wave and are trying not to complain about the heat but goodness gracious.

***Dmitri: I'd checked the weather norms and in October, Egypt goes from highs of 90 down to highs of 82. Which is great, except that our entire time there was over 100, and often near 110. Ouch. So much drinking of water, and so much huddling in the shade.

As we near the pyramids, we pass through the local guards who often inspect all cars and buses. Our guide is concerned that they'll board our bus and find our drone, so he bribes him and they let us through without checking. #safetyfirst #totallyarealcountry***

The pyramids are still pretty impressive and we walk around and see all three and Mia and I even go inside one. And we are the only ones inside!!!! Covid has done some strange things to travel for us but every once in awhile it means we have a normally crowded place almost all to ourselves.

Said telling the gang about the pyramids.

Very large blocks

For scale.

Going inside the pyramid

We are the only ones inside the pyramid!!! With Mabel, Pam, Aingeal and David

***Dmitri: Said took us to this great overview location. Not pictured are the people selling us stuff non-stop, or the people dressed as security guards telling us we have to pay a permit fee, who are not guards at all--but who are walking near the guards, who don't care. See my notes above...***

We check out the Sphinx

After the pyramids and Sphinx, we are starving and head to lunch. Dmitri and Mia head to KFC but Jack wants to try out a new restaurant (!) so I go with him and it’s a lot of food, very cheap, and really really good.

***Dmitri: Said talking about your momma.***

***Dmitri: Cindy is, as you've noticed, a great picture smiler, whereas I constantly look like I'm eating vegetables or thinking about a tax audit. Or maybe I just hate Egypt. Yep, that's it! That said, even Egypt can't ruin the Sphinx. It's really cool.***

With Pam, Kiki, Gabriel, Mabel, David, and Aingeal

Said and Tony get in on the group photo!

***Dmitri: On the way out of Cairo, we see two amazing T-shirts. I love poorly translated shirts in the same-same-but-different mode of world travel. To me, they say “My heart is in the right place, even if I have no clue.” Like, if I wore a shirt in Korean or Arabic, I’d check really carefully with a native speaker for what they said, you know? A lot of the rest of the world doesn’t feel the same, and so it’s entertaining as hell.

The first is a shirt spotted at the Sphinx. It says “If you’re 6,000, why do it for less?” I don’t know what this means, but now my mantra is to be 6,000.

The second simply says “Stay Real Pro Jeans.” I don’t know if there was supposed to be punctuation in there or not, but it feels like some kind of genius fool came up with this shirt. It’s accidentally touching on the melancholy optimism of “Stay Gold, Pony Boy,” while also managing to sound like a fashion-obsessed sellout douchebag. It’s sincere yet braggy at the same time. I love it.***

We are now off to the train station, as we have an overnight train to Aswan. And so begin the "Aswan does" (as one does...) jokes that continue long after we leave Aswan.

The overnight train is quite something. While we have a sink in each cabin the water does not appear to be working. The “dinner” is mostly bread, as is breakfast. Hard pass. We also do not get very much sleep. Dmitri says it’s like traveling in a blender.

Mia's expression says it all.

***Dmitri: This train bounced like mad. We were told it was the best train in Egypt and if so, oh I pity the others. Sleep was challenging, and maybe even a little risky.***

Oct. 10

We get off the train in Aswan and head to Philae Temple. In order to get there, we take a short boat ride. Each boat is allowed one or two sellers and ours is no exception. There are bracelets and necklaces and all kinds of trinkets. Our secret weapon is Kiki, who negotiates for some camel’s bone bracelets for several of us. We arrive in Philae and Said gives us a tour. Philae is a temple dedicated to the goddess Isis. The temple was originally in another place but had to be moved after the flooding of Lake Nasser. It is quite impressive how they managed to do this!

Said tells us about Philae.

***Dmitri: I look like I don't care, but Said is telling us a pretty great backstory about how this temple was under water and has been restored, about Crusaders occupying it, and about how to read the hieroglyphics. He's amazing. Egypt still sucks. We're also in the shade hiding from the 108-degree temperature with humidity.***

One other thing to note. We travel with not only a driver and guide, but also our very own policeman in a nice suit and a very big gun. Said says it’s to make sure nothing happens to tourists. Egypt depends on tourism and can’t have tourists--especially American ones--encountering anything too unsafe! And people do NOT mess with the police guards who are with the tourists. Once when crossing the street on a busy road the police guard walked right out, gave oncoming cars a look, and put up one hand. And magically, the cars stopped with no honking.

Our guard in Cairo, keeping watch.

***Dmitri: Check his wallet. It's the one that says "Bad Mother Fucker" on it.***

Our guard in Luxor with his very large gun.

Philae Temple

Jack LOVES Philae because there are CATS everywhere. And lots of kittens. He is in cat heaven. We even see an Egyptian version of Bali!!! Love it!!!

Egyptian Bali

Kittens!!!!

Happy Jack

For dinner, we head in another boat across the Nile to have an amazing home-cooked meal in a Nubian village. What a treat!!!

Oct. 11

Mia and I are up at the crack of dawn because it’s a three hour drive (each way!) to Abu Simbel. Dmitri and Jack have decided to skip the extra day trip and will sleep in and have a hotel hang out day.

***Dmitri: I believe you have a good sense of how I feel about Egypt. I'm not going to add an early morning to this nonsense. Jack and I hide in our very dumpy Aswan hotel with the shades drawn, and I get work done.***

***Mia- We aren't allowed to stop for the bathroom or anything on this long drive because we are too close to the Sudanese border which, according to our guide, means there's a small risk of being attacked, I guess? Should we be more worried?***

Yes, it’s a long day but Abu Simbel is unbelievably spectacular. Mia and I both LOVE it. When we first arrive, we have the place practically to ourselves. Said gives us background and then we wander in amazement. Like Philae, Abu Simbel was once in another location. Before we leave, we visit an exhibit that shows how the entire thing was moved and boy oh boy is it impressive!!! The attention to detail and care that were taken are mind-blowing.

Later that day, I visit an essence shop with Pam, Mabel, and Kiki. They have all sorts of different kinds of oils and we ladies have fun shopping. I particularly like the Lotus and the Papyrus essences. I also get some mint for Mia, who is battling a cold.

Kiki, Mabel, Pam

We have a group dinner at Salah El-Din, a boat on the Nile, and a good time is had by all. Especially once the beer arrives! We find that it’s not always easy to find beer in Egypt, or any other kind of alcohol.

***Dmitri: Only Christian owners will sell alcohol. God bless 'em.***

Oct. 12

We wake up, have breakfast, and check out of our hotel in Aswan. We walk to the river where we board our felucca boat. We will be cruising all day on the Nile then sleeping on the felucca overnight. We have a support boat that travels nearby and it’s where we will eat our meals. It’s really hot and there is very little breeze. We think if it were cooler, this would be positively heavenly but we are all pretty uncomfortable and the heat is still strong. The kids corral nearly the whole boat into a game of Heads Up and that’s a lot of fun.

Jack shows Tony, Gabriel, and Said something on the Nintendo Switch

Lunch and dinner are fantastic. Unfortunately the bugs are biting so it’s a pretty restless sleep for all of us.

Oct. 13

But the sunrise is spectacular

The only time Mia is chilly in Egypt!

It’s pretty early when we hop off the felucca and head on toward Luxor. On the way, we stop at Kom Ombo Temple. It’s right on the Nile and dedicated to the crocodile god. And right next door there’s a museum of mummified crocodiles.

The group learning about Kom Ombo

Mabel, Gabriel, David, Kiki, Pam, Aingeal, Tony

The crocodile god at Kom Ombo

Crocodile mummies!!

Continuous excavation.

***Dmitri: These are all diggers paid by the Nazis, but you see, they're digging in the wrong place!***

Later we do a bit of shopping in the immediate area of our hotel and find some fun silver jewelry. Kiki has recently been to Egypt and knows all the good places to go. The prices are VERY reasonable and I find an Isis necklace that I love! Mia sees a pendant and it's a bit too big so she gets one specially made to the size she wants. Score!

***Mia- I'm pretty picky when it comes to jewelry, so it was great to see exactly what kind of necklace I wanted right away. The only thing wrong was that it was just a bit too big for my liking. Luckily for me, the store owner offered to make it smaller for me, so I came back the next day to pick up my newly crafted unique pendant!***

Visiting the silver shop with Gabriel and Kiki

We visit Karnak Temple in the afternoon and it’s probably Dmitri’s favorite. As it turns out Luxor will, in a few days, be opening the Avenue of the Sphinxes and dignitaries will be coming to Luxor. So in preparation, landmarks around Luxor have been spiffed up. Karnak has been cleaned and all the beautiful colors are evident as we walk around.

***Dmitri: I know I'm coming off as a hater, because I am, but there's always some antiquities fatigue in any tour. Another church/temple/Buddha/whatever. By the third or fourth, you can't care as much. And for most of Egypt I've been in "I really don't care, do you?" mode. Karnak is a notable exception. The heat has dropped to a brisk mid-90s and I am here for it. The temple is vast, but also high. The pillars in the pictures below are massive and there are dozens and dozens of them lined up perfectly, like trees in orchards you drive by on a highway. They are also in color, and we've seen mostly sandstone only. It's the first time we've been able to get a sense of how bright and colorful ancient Egypt must have been. It doesn't seem worn down by time, and you get a real sense of the grandeur--more than at the pyramids, I think. Also, no one was messing with us while we were inside so we could actually absorb and enjoy it. For me, this was the highlight of the tour. Knowing what I know now, I'd--well first of all I'd never go to freaking Egypt--but if I did, I'd see the pyramids and the Grand Egyptian Museum, both while escorted by a phalanx of large bodyguards, then fly to Luxor for this, then GTFO.***

Mia and Kiki explore Karnak

***Dmitri: Color! The rest of Egypt is still like a 1950s TV set.***

Luxor Temple and the Avenue of the Sphinxes. Those are hundreds and hundreds of mini-Sphinxes there that stretch from Karnak to the Temple, about a half mile away.

This sign was in our hotel's elevator.

Oct 14

We are up early and off we go to the Valley of the Kings. And it is amazing! We walk around and Said gives us a history of some of the tombs. We opt to visit the tombs of Rameses I, Rameses III, Rameses IX, and King Tut.

***Dmitri: These tombs are gorgeous, well-preserved and colorful. They're also filled with locals pretending to want to get to know you to tell you stuff and then charge you money. And of course the tombs themselves are literally monuments to the hubris and excess of these ancient rulers. So many resources for the egos of people who thought they were gods. Now they're tourist attractions, presided over by touts and grifters.***

We then visit the Temple of Hatshepsut and it is ungodly hot, but still very interesting.

***Dmitri: She's being polite. Hatshepsut's temple has great history in it, and is decorated with stories of a pharaoh's trip to the Sudan. It's also the site of a terrible massacre of tourists by religious extremists and I can't wait to leave.***

This model is incredibly cool, as it shows (above) where the tombs are from surface level and (below) how it would look underground with the tunnels leading to the tombs.

Mummy of King Tut

***Dmitri: The obligatory photo in Tut's tomb. Smaller than I expected, but well preserved.***

There is more shopping in the afternoon and a trip back to the jeweler to pick up some of the sparklies we ordered. We also visit a fair trade shop and pick up some fun souvenirs. Dmitri finds some card guards for poker and orders a shirt.

We have one last group dinner before heading back to the hotel to pack our things.

Jack, what is that face???? (also that's Mia's new necklace!)

Aingeal and Jack at dinner.

***Dmitri: We have another great dinner with good company, and it's accompanied by a local musician playing US standards. And ABBA. The weather has cooled in the evening, and it's great.***

Oct 15

The group heads to the airport and we fly from Luxor to Cairo. There is a brief moment of panic when the security people find the drone in Jack's luggage--drones are not allowed in Egypt. Said explains to them that we didn't use the drone and anyway, we are leaving the country so after a few tense moments, we are allowed to keep our drone.

***Dmitri: This is classic Egypt. It's not that it's OK. By their laws, it should be taken away. It's that we're on the way out and so it's somebody else's problem.***

We say good bye to Mabel, David, Tony, Gabriel and Kiki. The rest of us head for a really yummy lunch and a short tour of Khan El Khalili before heading back to the airport to fly to Amman.